Definition of "Spoiled"

As I have previously blogged, we get pretty constant criticism for our parenting style.  My mind is constantly going.  I blog about it, not because I feel the need to defend ourselves, but as a means of getting my thoughts out, writing to me has always been a way of doing that, and I don’t do it near often enough.   

What does it mean to “spoil” your kids? What is the definition to you as a parent?   This is a question that I am asking myself, and I am sure most everyone’s definition of a “spoiled” kid is a kid who has everything (gaming systems, name brand clothes, computers, smart phones, nice cars) either because they throw fits to gain such things, or the parents just simply give them everything they ask for.  I think everyone would agree that most “spoiled” kid gets everything they want and then some.    If you Google “spoiled kid” you get a mirage of answers, all pretty much giving the same definition. 

I ponder this simply because this is part of the criticism we often receive from others.  In no uncertain terms are our kids are spoiled, as so many believe.  I find this interesting though because by definition my kids do not fit in that category.   My kids DO NOT get everything they want, and that is by a combination of conscious thought on our behalf (large factor), and the fact we can’t simply afford EVERYTHING they ever ask for (small factor).  My kids do NOT have the most up to date gaming systems (they have a PS2, and a Wii).  This is a conscious thought…..they are very active in many other things, and gaming systems have never really peaked their interest the way it does for many other kids.  They  play them maybe once every 2 months for an hour.  My kids do not have a smart phone because their father and I do not feel they need a smart phone.  Instead they both purchased (with their own money!) iTouch 5’s last year.  They have figured out ways to make this work for them for all the thing a smart phone would do, and WE DO NOT have to pay for the fee’s that come with a smart phone.   When they were little we did buy them a Nintendo Gameboy, but neither of them have touched them for YEARS.   My kids do not have iPads or any other tablet that is out there.  WHY? We feel they DO NOT need them.  They do have laptops, but we bought them used for them and in return learned our lesson, because neither of them work, so they are forced to use a family laptop OR computer that we have downstairs.  The boy has a TV in his room, but that is only because we had nowhere else to put it, and it too doesn’t work ALL of the time.  So in essence neither of them have TV’s, cable boxes, or anything of that nature in their rooms.  They do have a portable DVD player however that we got on sale one year for Christmas.  They make this work for them. Clothes……we do buy them name brand clothes and shoes, but that is because we feel they last longer AND I buy them on clearance (or lately at a thrift store because they are quickly outgrowing them), or on sale.   We rarely buy them for full price. If they want something outside of the price we budget we have set the expectation that they buy it themselves if they HAVE TO HAVE it. Cars…yes we will provide a car to each of our children, but the car WILL be used and the expectation will be that if they want to drive it then they pay for the necessities (gas, upkeep and insurance). 

On the contrary, our children do have a very broad range of interests.  They both LOVE sports, drama, music, traveling, camping, hiking.  It was and always will be a conscious decision on our part to allow them to participate in anything (within reason) they want to try, with the rule that if they don’t like it they need to continue the season and NOT quit.   They both play several sports, which can be expensive.  And the sports do take up a lot of our time, but I fail to see how letting them play sport is “spoiling” them.  They enjoy them, and it can teach them many life lessons, and it keeps them active.  They both enjoy drama and they have been doing drama clubs since elementary school.  They both do or did do music, both choir and band.  Both of these things teach them several things as well, really different lessons for each kid.  I fail to see how this “spoils” them.  Traveling…both kids LOVE to travel and see new places.  This is only because their father and I both think the world has a lot to offer and there is a lot to see and we want to experience this so our kids have gotten drug along.  They both did have an opportunity to travel the world, and we let them (and they fund raised some of the money!).  I fail to see how these life experiences are “spoiling” our children.  Camping, hiking, 4wheeling, family movie nights, family game nights, (the things that take up a lot of our time when they aren’t playing sports) are all things the 4 of us love doing.  My kids LOVE everything there is to love about the mountains, in matter of fact we were told that we can ONLY move out of state if the NEW state has mountains.  These things provide perfect family time, and we are spending quality time together.  My kids LOVE board games and constantly want to play them.  I fail to see how this is “spoiling” our children.  It is mandatory in our house that we have a sit down dinner at the kitchen table as a family with NO TV, NO electronic devices, just us having conversation.

I think most are confusing “spoiled” with another definition-can’t pinpoint exactly what definition I am looking for.   

We tell our kids every single day that we love them and we encourage open lines of communication.  We have rules and we discipline them when necessary.  We enjoy our kids, and we don’t want to take anything for granted, including the time we have for them.  This does include much self-sacrificing on our part, but this also won’t be forever (we do have monthly date nights away from them, and try to find ways to focus on us.  Not near as often as we should, but we do make that happen).    We made the conscious decision to have our kids (they were not oopses), and with that we also made the conscious decision to raise happy, LOVED, independent, humble, responsible, confident adults.  I fail to see how this is “spoiling” our kids, unless it is with love then they are the most spoiled kids in the universe.