Our Last Senior Night!

Last night,  A League of Their Own, was on TV, and I hear my daughter say, "Come sit with me Mom, our favorite movie is on TV".  While I was watching it with her, I sat there thinking, she loves the game, and I realized that maybe we had done something right. 

I had no intentions of coaching our kids.  I had always said that when we had kids I was going to “retire” from coaching.  The ONLY reason being, I wanted our kids to love the game.  I wanted them to not be hindered by a parent that was too hard on them, and I was so very afraid that I would be.  However…someone else knew better.

14 years ago our daughter tells us, “I want to play ball”.  If only we all knew where those words would lead us to today.  I grew up loving and playing softball, so when she made that declaration, I said Ok, but I was secretly giddy!  But I still wasn’t going to coach her.  Only someone else knew differently.  14 years ago, I stepped onto the field for the first time with our daughter.  And I spent the next 10 years coaching her on and off (along with her Dad).  We made it work, and I only made her cry, by my count, twice.  Not being hard on her turned out to be a pretty easy task.  She was learning to love the game and having fun, it was easy to not want to destroy that, and to let her natural progression of the game advance.  5 years ago, I stood on the field watching her hold back her skill level, and her dad and I both knew it was time to move her to the more competitive side of the sport.  We won a Little League Championship title that year, and it was the most greatest feeling in the world holding that banner with our daughter, but I knew that it was the last time I would stand on the field with her as her coach.  She was capable of so much more, and needed pushed in that direction, and her dad and I both knew that it needed to be someone else to coach her into that direction.  And that has lead us to where we are today.

It was not the wrong decision.   She has flourished in every single way we hoped she would.  Yes, her skills have advanced, as we would hope.  But she has also learned some valuable life skills.    She has learned the art of winning as a team, and losing as a team.  She has learned to make adjustments to reach goals.  She has learned that sometimes if you want something bad enough, you have to work extra hard for it. She has learned to work through the frustrations on many different levels. She has learned the disappointment that sometimes comes with life, you can work hard but things still don’t go your way.  And she has learned after disappointments, life goes on.  You will get up the next day, and step back onto the field, and try again. But the most important thing…she has developed lifelong relationships with her softball sisters.   

It was not the wrong decision, because at the end of the day she loves the game, and she is achieving her dreams. While she is not 100% decided on what her next steps are, next week we will be visiting a college in upstate New York.  She will get to go to some classes, and meet the team.  She is nervous, and excited all at the same time.  But it reflects where she has worked so hard to be! 

There are a lot (A LOT!) of people out there who do not understand why we chose to do what we have done for our kids.  A lot of people look at our schedules and think we are crazy, and honestly sometimes we think so too.  I know just in general with many, many sports parents, that there is a perception that we force our kids to play sports.  I have said it before, and I will say it again, we don’t make our kids do anything they do not want to do.  We are doing it for the exact opposite reason.  It is our kid’s choice to play, it is their choice as to how far they want to go with the sport.  All of the time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears for all of us has been a choice.  And it is one that we have done with ZERO regrets. Where our kids have gotten themselves today, has been by their doing.  We only have tried to provide them the tools to help make it possible, and the support to help them believe they could do it.

It is her last high school game tonight, and while we will still have one more competitive season in the spring, tonight our daughter will close a chapter in her sports career. And tonight,  I will walk onto that field with my daughter once again, not as a coach, but as her Mom, and as one of her biggest cheerleaders in the world.  It has been an amazing ride to this day, one that I will be forever grateful for.  On the inside, I will undoubtedly be a hot a mess, proud of where she has come, and excited for where she is headed, a little sad that this time is here, maybe a little bit relieved that we all have survived this.  Outwardly, I will walk out there with a big smile on my face, only hoping to match the humbleness and grace of our daughter.  Our kids tell us all time we are their hero’s.  In reality, our kids are my hero’s.  They amaze me and keep in awe every single day. 

Our Next Chapter!

Tonight is Senior Night for Lacrosse.  It’s customary in high school sports to recognize the senior’s contributions to the sports teams they have played on over their time at the high school.  As a Mom it’s the night that I have been looking forward to, and dreading all at the same time.  It’s a moment where the 3 of us will get to stand on the field with our son/brother and be proud of the man and player he worked so hard to become.  But at the same time I feel like its saying goodbye, a closure of this chapter in our sports parenting as we have known it.  In about 3 weeks he will graduate high school, 7^th in his class.  I have the same feelings.  He has fought hard to become who is today.  His Dad and I couldn’t be more proud of the whirlwind we have been a part of the last 6 months (ok, 18 years).  The next month will be filled with celebrations and closures of one chapter for our son, and all of the emotions that go with it. 

In almost 3.5 months we all start a new chapter, we will be trekking 1576.2 miles across the US to take our son to college.  Yes, you read that right, over 1500 miles.  Our daughter will likely follow suit, in just 2 years. The questions we have been getting and the looks of disbelief, shock, and fear that flash in others eyes when we talk about where our family is headed into the next chapter has been interesting.  So I figure now is as good a time as any to answer the top questions we are getting; Are you guys ok with him going so far away for college. Or, are you really letting them do this?  The simple answer is yes, we are.  And if Jacee wants to leave the state for college, we will be okay with her leaving too. 

The more complex answer is; their dreams are not our dreams to follow. Our kid’s adult path is their own to take, not ours.  What they chose to do with their adult lives is not our choice.  At the end of the day our kids are only doing what we strived so hard to give them the wings to do.  We have to accept this because as their parents it is what we worked hard to give them, anything less would be selfish on our part.  The most common misconception for our family is: We are forcing them to do these things to achieve our dreams (like many sports parents do), and that couldn’t be further from the truth.  We have never forced our children to do something because we wanted them to. Our children are pursuing their own dreams, we are just attempting, best we can and know how, to provide them both with the tools to help them follow their dreams. 

From the time they were little if they wanted to try something new, and it was within our means, we would try to find a way to make it happen.  For both kids, these adventures have took us through many sports, drama, choir, band, scouts, traveling the world for student leadership, etc.  From the time Shawn was 3 and wanted to try soccer, and decided right away he didn’t like it.  We moved to T-ball next, and then came football and basketball, keeping him busy during every season.  By 8 he discovered Lacrosse and baseball became a thing of the past.  We knew from the moment we watched him play this game that this is where his heart was, he played with a passion that we had never seen.  He took some time off from football, but soon realized he missed it, and went back, and he played with a love for the sport, but his drive was different.  Half way through this past football season, he decided that wanted to concentrate on nothing but Lacrosse.  It was a very tough decision for him, leaving a sport that he loved.  But he thought long and hard about it, and his reasoning made sense to us. His dream the last 4 years was to play lacrosse in college. And it quickly became apparent that it was the best decision for him to make.  Within a week things starting really heating up on the college front for him.  Within the next 3 weeks he had 3 concrete college offers.  Next came big decision #2, which college to choose.  He made the decision entirely on his own, asked advice of many people.  He made the decision best for him.  We are looking forward to seeing him grow in his education, while playing his favorite sport, and creating the life long bonds he will have with these teammates.  The past 6 months have been nothing short of him accomplishing goals and learning that if you work hard enough, you can achieve your dreams.

His sister went down a similar path.  She started with softball (t-ball) at 4 years old.  A few years later she also started playing basketball and then eventually she added Volleyball to the mix.  Somewhere in there she also tried lacrosse, but it had to be boy’s lacrosse, not girls.  That lasted one season when she decided that she missed Softball just too much.  This is where her heart is.  About 4 years ago it was apparent that she was holding back her skills to the level in which we had her at.  We talked to her about it, and she wanted more challenges, so we moved her to Competitive ball.  She is with a team that has an exceptional bond.  It offers her so much more than just playing Softball.  Every single one of us have grown to love our Venom family.  She has excelled in the sport in the way we had hoped, and she is happy.  She has laser like focus on what she wants to do and she is attempting to create her path.   This spring she has also decided to try her hand at Golf, it’s a challenge but she loves it and is wanting to keep her option open now with it too.  So while we she still have time with her, we are doing our best to give her the tools as well.  And we truly look forward to seeing where the next two years takes her.

Life has so much to offer and life is short.  There are a lot of places to explore other than Westminster, CO, and if following their dreams takes them somewhere new, even if it’s across the US or across the world, then so be it.  Life is full of trail and errors and lessons (good and bad) to learn, even the next chapter we are all about to head into will have them.  But you don’t know what you are capable of achieving until you try.   

I know I post a lot of positives and things about how proud of our kids we are, sometimes I post about the challenges we encounter.  But what you see is what you get, literally.  As a family, as parents, as kids, as individuals, we have accomplished a lot, we try to remain humble, we have failed, we have laughed, we have cried, we have gotten mad at each other, we have celebrated, but the number one thing that hasn’t wavered in any way shape or form is the love and support we give to each other, and that will not change, ever, not even with 1500 miles between us.

So yes, we are okay with our son going to college where he has chosen.  It will be a transition for us all.  While we won’t necessarily be doing as much co-authoring in this next chapter, we will most certainly still be in it.  As we hand him the pen and start the transition of him writing his own book, we are ready with open arms, and open minds and couldn’t be more excited to read where life takes him. 

To raise a child who is comfortable enough to leave you, means you’ve done your job.  They are not ours to keep, but to teach how to soar on their own. – Author Unknown

What I Didn't Expect with Teenagers

Well, we are moving up in the world now.  We now have a 16 year old driver in the house, and a moody 13 year old.  I have discovered that no amount of reading on the internet or otherwise can prepare a parent for the teenage years.  It feels like I spent much time preparing myself what to expect having teenagers, and thought I had a chance to have a handle on it.  I was prepared for the normal teenage stuff like, moodiness, the arguing, and the “I know everything” attitude, you know all the typical things that should accompany teenagers.  I was fully prepared to choose my battles wisely.  But since we are deeply into the teen years and there is definitely not a chance of every going back to the days where I could hold and cuddle them, I am coming to realize I completely under estimated the teen years!  I have discovered I have a love/hate relationship with the teen years.  I feel like a walking oxymoron now.  Here is the top 5 things that I was not prepared for:

1.)    I actually enjoy the teen years- 5 years ago I would have told you that I dreaded moving into the teen years, that I was frightened as all get out. But it turns out these years by far are my favorite years.  I love watching them grow up and becoming people, yes I know that makes them sound like they were aliens or something but……it’s true.  Watching them use the tools we have given them is the most amazing thing in the world!  Watching them grow and mature and interacting with them on a different level is by far the best feeling ever!  

2.)    I can’t wait to send them off into the world- By now you are probably thinking, WOW she has lost her cookies!  No, I haven’t, I assure you!  We have taught our kids to follow their dreams, because sometimes when they actually become a reality it can mean some pretty amazing things!  I was not prepared for the fact that by trying to teach them this one simple thing that we would create some pretty goal oriented monsters.  My 16 year old knows exactly what he wants past high school and will not let much stand in his way in his attempt to achieve his dreams.  My 13 year old is very quick on his heels, and works harder than anyone I know. Seeing them attempt to achieve their dreams is going to take us, as a family, on a pretty fun ride! I can’t wait to see what is in store for them.  

3.)    Ok so I was prepared to handle THEIR moodiness and emotions.  I was even prepared to handle the conflicts.  What I was not prepared for was the emotional roller coaster that it would bring US, the parents!  Take my son getting his license this week for example.  Just the thought of him turning 16 caused me much anxiety, but yet so much excitement for him to hit this “rite of passage” in his life.  It’s a new found freedom for not only him, but US the parents.  I have never been so excited for this new found freedom and so scared for his life at the same time!  It took “worrying” to a new level!  He has hardly been home all week, and he can now get himself to and from all of his activities, we only have to show up to watch the games! I have convinced myself that this particular age is really prepping us for learning how to move from being the coach (in their lives) to being spectators and enjoying the show

4.)     I was not prepared for a girl: Girls just don’t happen often in my husband’s family, so when we got married I knew my chances of having a daughter was very slim.  So I somehow set my mind to having a house full of boys.  Well……we defied odds and had a girl!  My mind quickly shifted and prepared for everything that a girl would bring to the family.  However, as she was growing up, I quickly realized she wasn’t a girly girl. She wanted to wear dresses but play hard and get dirty.  I used to describe her as my girly tomboy!  She quickly developed her own “style”, and we let her, after all I wanted to teach her at a young age to be herself and to be confident in herself.  Then hormones hit.  Oh, the hormones.  She is a confident teenager, for the most part.  She doesn’t give into peer pressure, still is generally a girly tomboy, and doesn’t like makeup.  Wants to be her own person, stands up for herself.  Great!  Everything we had worked for.  Uh…..yeah well, confidence + hormones + extreme stubbornness inherited from her father = a teenager that when stressed out, loses all ability to be reasoned with, and she can display a wide range of emotions on her face in the matter of seconds! For some odd reason, this little tiny piece of knowledge didn’t enter my mind.  I was not prepared for this.  Her Dad and I consider ourselves pretty savvy people, we both manage people, so we consider our reasoning abilities to be better than average.  The first time this happened we both stood there dumb founded, wondering what just happened, and that has never happened……where neither of us have no words.  My magical Mom sense tells me that this is normal for a teenage girl.  Somehow I just missed this one.  Don’t get me wrong……….I love having a daughter.  I have a special bond with both of my kids, but there is just something with having a Mother/Daughter bond.  

5.)    See number 3-I was not prepared to cry at everything.  I am not a crier by nature, but being a mother evokes such strong, amazing feelings that I am overwhelmed with the love I feel for my kids. The first time I cried was the second my son was born. The nurses thought something was wrong with me, but there wasn’t.  I was overwhelmingly overjoyed at being a Mom.   And it continued through the years, every single time they hit a milestone, I cry.  Every time they accomplish something great, I cry.  When they hurt, I cry. And now that they are closer to being adults than ever before, when I think about what will happen when they achieve their goals and dreams, I know I will cry.  Not being a crier by nature, I wasn’t prepared for this.  But then again, there isn’t a single thing out there that can prepare a Mom for the overwhelming love that you will feel when you see your baby for the first time.  

In a nutshell I was prepared to despise the teen years, not to LOVE them.  My kids aren’t perfect, but then again no one is.  There will be bad days and there will be good days.  I have always loved seeing the world through the eyes of my children and it’s no different with them being teenagers, even the moodiness.  Being a parent is the most challenging, the most rewarding experience ever.  We take each day and each challenge as it comes.  We dream together, we love together, we fight together, and we laugh together, all while teaching them and giving them the wings to fly.  One thing I have learned and expected is that being a parent in and of itself is an oxymoron and I love every minute of it! 

2 Teenagers Now?

Today we will officially have 2 teenagers in our house.  We will have approximately 5 years and 4 months left before we will officially have an empty nest.  And yes, this year in particular, I find myself keeping track.  I have found myself reflecting on our kids in general since the beginning of the year.  WHY?  I have been asked what our secret to parenting is…and to put it in a book. 

But in reality it is simple.  We realized 2 things a long long time ago; 1.) We are very lucky to have children 2.) We only get them for 18 years of their life.  And because of these 2 things we made a promise to not take any moment for granted. 

I have debated for months on how much I wanted to explain regarding number one. It is not something that we have openly discussed for many reasons.  Long story short, Shawn was our last hope of having children.  We had losses before him, and had made a conscious decision that if we lost him too we were done trying.  We decided that we would NOT seek medical intervention to have a baby for reasons I will not go into here.  We decided we would either adopt or just not have kids. See we were also up against my intuition.  I always had this “feeling” that if we didn’t have kids by a certain age that they would just not happen.  I always knew somehow, that my biological clock was ticking away much faster than normal.  But anyway, we had a seamless pregnancy and had our beautiful son.  So we gave it another shot, but it did not go without many complications. At 26.5 weeks I went into preterm labor and the rest of the pregnancy was spent fighting to keep her in as long as possible. Fortunately we were lucky to make it to 38 weeks and a healthy beautiful baby girl was welcomed into our lives.  At that point we made the decision to be done.  Pregnancy was just too hard on my body and the worry, fear and emotional roller coaster that went along with them was enough for the both of us.  I was right about my biological clock too…not even a year after our daughter was born I quit ovulating, and that began my spiral of other issues that ultimately led to me having to have a hysterectomy at the age of 32.   But because of this we both quickly realized just how lucky and blessed we were to have our children.  We discussed it when they were born (and continue to discuss it today), and we both promised each other that we would not take them for granted. 

Which leads us to number 2-We also quickly realized that we, in theory, only get 18 years with them before they fly away from the nest.  18 years to prepare them for life as much as we could.  18 years to help them learn right from wrong.  18 years to experience as much as we could with them. 18 years to watch them experience the world through their eyes, but also to show them and teach them the beauty that the world has to offer. 18 years in theory is not a long time, considering it isn’t even a quarter of their lives.  We again, decided to not take the moments and years we had with them for granted.  We decided to make the most of the time we had with them.  We decided it was our job as their parents to lead them into adulthood and give them the tools they need to succeed.

These 2 reasons alone is why we sacrifice so much of ourselves and give 200% to parenting our children.

As we are entering this final phase (before adulthood) I find myself scared, excited, and nervous for what the future holds for them after they fly way.  With my oldest almost done with his first year of high school I have found that I haven’t quite grasped the reality of it yet.  But what I do see is him making decisions about his future, and creating goals for himself beyond what most kids his age even think about yet.  I see him beginning to use the tools that we have given him, and it is very exciting. 

Today his sister is joining him in the realm of teen years.  And she has had some minor struggles this past year in determining who she is and where she is going.  It hasn’t been as seamless of a transition for her into this phase as it was for him.  But none the less I know she will do fine.  She has more drive and motivation than most people I know.  She is most certainly going to know what she will want out of her life and shoot for it.  As long as we can all make it through the moody hormones that she needs to figure out how to get through, I think we will come out on the other end a shining star! 

None the less we have/will embrace this phase with the same dedication and drive we have their entire lives.  I remember when they were first born, I would sit and wonder and dream about what kind of people they would become. It seemed so far away, but yet we are almost there and the years are undoubtedly flying by.  And I already know that I will be a terrible empty nester.